Hello Humans,
So I told you this blog would be about me and my life and honestly I couldn’t do that with out addressing my autism, nor would I want to. It’s part of who I am and defines so much of what I have done and what I will go on to do. I thought I’d give you a little rundown on my journey to accepting being autistic and how it affects me, because every single person with autism is unique and brilliant in their own way!
But for me, I always struggled with making friends and general socialising from an early age, often preferring adult conversation or playing imaginary games in solitary. My mam looked into getting me a diagnosis when I was around 4 but it never developed into anything.
I struggled the entire way through Primary school with balancing and regulating my emotions, often suppressing my anxieties and insecurities at school, instead playing the role of the perfect student. I embodied the stereotype of teachers pet goody two shoes- good grades, main part in plays, head girl, student council- you name it, I did it! And whilst at school I was able to mask perfectly, that usually resulted in emotional outbursts and meltdown at home where I would screen and shout for hours often daily. this resulted in unbelievable amount of difficult times and relationships with my family, so much so that I loved with my maternal grandparents for almost two years off an on. when I was 12 I was diagnosed with autism and began a lot of healing and learning not to mask and pretend to cope and open up. this was not easy and still takes a lot of work for me as naturally I’d rather mask and present myself as a perfect student.
a few years after my diagnosis I began to struggle massively with anxiety and low mood and it was such a difficult time for me so much so that I dropped out of school at the beginning of year 10 and spent 6 months out of education before going to a SEN provision where I achieved things I had never thought possible: I got my GCSEs, performed in productions as lead characters and made the most valuable friendships.
This past year has been difficult for the entire world, but especially for me and my family and combined with this and moving to college after months of no school was terrifying! I’ve missed all of the good stuff about leaving school; prom, the final production and getting my results with my friends.
but that didn’t happen, and suddenly I’ve found myself 7 weeks into my A-Levems with very little clue as to what I want to do past the next two years. Hopefully I ‘ll figure it out! See you next time
E x